3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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