I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
