Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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