there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
