i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
