I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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