I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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