Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
