I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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