I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
