You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
