I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
