make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I believe in your delicious
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
