I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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