I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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