last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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