im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
