Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
