you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
