i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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