Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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