oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
