I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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