you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
