I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
