did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
