Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's blow job season.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
