What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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