another moral hangover. fuck.
i was born a porn star she said
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
