yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
These tits shall not be calmed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
