Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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