Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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