i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
