And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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