Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
