God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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