OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
