it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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