Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
