So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
