Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need moral support for this bender
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
