2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need water and some morals
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
