actually, I'm a sock model
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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