what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
