when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
