the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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