im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
