ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
