There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
