brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
