Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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